Have you ever caught yourself saying ‘you make me feel so…’? (fill in the gap with anything you like, ‘mad. ‘angry’, ‘upset, ‘inferior’…)
In my experience, the tendency to use this phrase is especially strong when we’re in the heat of an argument or looking for someone’s approval. It’s during those times when we lose control of our minds and let our emotions take over. Times when our self-confidence is low and/or we feel vulnerable.
The result is that we 100% believe that it’s the other person MAKING us feel this way.
But in actual fact, no one can ever MAKE us feel anything – it always comes from inside ourselves. It’s a choice we make, even if it is mostly unconscious.
The natural response to this statement is for the ego to once again take over and say ‘but he/she really did make me feel like that’ Or, ‘how would you know? You weren’t there’.
And you’re right – who am I to comment when I wasn’t there?
It Comes From Within
However, I’ve observed myself in these situations A LOT over the past 5 years or so and I’ve gotta say that without a doubt, despite ‘thinking’ it was the other person MAKING me feel a certain way, every time, it’s been my own emotions, reactions and insecurities that have been at the core of the issue.
It doesn’t need to be due to an argument for us to allow ourselves to feel like this, it could be due to comparisons we make between ourselves and others or just straight-up low self-confidence. It could be something that someone says to you that isn’t kind or even something you say to yourself that makes you feel small.
These situations generally lead to feelings of inferiority, of not being good enough or of not being able to do something as well as someone else has done it.
Just remember though…
YOU ARE AWESOME!
Seriously! You don’t need to do things how other people have done them. And how can you compare yourself to them when you’re a totally different being with your own unique experiences and talents anyway?
If someone says something to you and your response is to feel inferior, remember that they can only do that to you with your permission. You’re choosing to react, you’re choosing to feel that way and you’re allowing them to hold the upper hand.
But how do you put a stop to this when you don’t even know you’re doing it?
3 Steps to Climbing Back Up When You Feel Inferior:
1. Observe yourself.
When you notice you’re feeling inferior, take a step back and become present.
Breathe deeply and consider WHY you’re feeling this way… is it an issue from your past? Is it insecurities? Are you comparing yourself to someone else? Whatever it is, acknowledge it and then let it go. (IMPORTANT: Do not punish yourself or feel bad about it. Be grateful that you noticed and then let it go).
2. Be Yourself.
Remember that you are a strong, independent and capable woman who has her own goals, dreams and desires.
You don’t need to chase someone elses goals or achievements – and why would you want to anyway? Remind yourself of your strengths and think of a time when you felt successful – hold that feeling.
This is an ongoing self-development exercise that requires continuous practice. So, everytime you find yourself feeling insecure, angry or upset and are blaming someone else for these feelings. Take note and practice these 3 steps.
Over time you’ll notice that it becomes second nature and you won’t have to try to notice these situations. In fact, eventually you’ll actually stop blaming others or giving others permission to make you feel these things.