Do you struggle through life, trying to juggle everything because you don’t want to ask for help?
Do you keep your questions locked inside because you’re scared the answer will be no?
Or are you someone who does all they can to avoid confrontation and then end up over-extending yourself because it seems easier than asking a simple question?
If you answered yes to these questions then HELLO! I totally get how you feel.
Something that’s come up for me a lot over the past couple of weeks is – questions I find uncomfortable to ask.
These questions are usually asking something of someone – particularly people I don’t know very well and I’ve noticed I’m extremely resistant to going ahead and asking. In fact, I’m so uneasy with just asking that I avoid it for as long as possible, hoping I won’t need to broach the subject.
For example, I’ve wanted a little tweak on my website for weeks now and I’ve only just asked my web designer to make the change because I know he’s not keen on doing it. The thing is, by holding off, all I’ve done is delayed the inevitable while also cluttering my mind with unnecessary thoughts on the topic (because I could’ve resolved this weeks ago).
The Reasons Behind FOAQ (Fear Of Asking Questions)
This situation has happened so much recently that it’s forced me to look at it more closely.
What I’ve revealed for myself are the reasons I’m so resistant to asking, which I’ve listed below – as I have a slight suspicion this might ring true for others too:
- Fear of rejection/the answer being NO – this one’s a biggie!
- The feeling of giving my power away – by admitting I need someone’s help.
- A tendency to avoid confrontation.
- Asking something of someone who I feel I haven’t built a relationship with yet.
I’d say my biggest hinderance is the fear of rejection or the fear of the answer being no. What’s yours?
It’s Never As Hard As You Think
What I’ve noticed is that when I eventually get around to asking the question, the answer, more often than not, is actually ‘YES’.
I’m then filled with relief that I don’t have to think about it anymore and life feels both easier and lighter, because I’m allowing myself to hand over some of my responsibilities. I then kick myself for holding onto the thoughts around asking for so long when I could have released them within minutes of the question forming.
3 Steps To Asking With Ease
I’ve now come up with a system that helps me to ask with ease whenever I’m holding onto a question that I’m resistant to asking. I’ve found it helps me to both recognize the situation earlier and also, to ‘get on with it’ and just ask. Here’s my 3 steps to asking with ease:
- Recognize the question – when you’re holding yourself back or resisting the urge to ask for something.
- Consider the possibilities – both the worst possible outcome (usually that the answer is no) and the best possible answer (which often results in life becoming that little bit easier).
- Ask it now – take 3 deep breaths, with the knowledge that you will be fine with either outcome and then immediately use the momentum you’ve gained to go ahead and ask right now.
Was that easier than you thought?
Now you have the power to ask that burning question whenver you feel the desire!